If I was a wave, I would have had multiple blows.

It is the unclear waters thats makes me uncertain.

Something spectacular and freeing about being me. 

                                     I will walk away. I will walk away. I will walk, away and away. 

                                  

The bitter after taste is painfully similar. 

 

When joy seems far away

Keep waiting for your God, even when he tarries long. Keep clinging to his promises, even when it feels like he’s abandoned them. Keep crying out to him, even when you’re unsure he hears. Keep seeking his face, even when you want to least. Refuse the temptation, when you find yourself tired of waiting, to “go astray after a lie” (Psalm 40:4) — some refuge other than God that promises immediate relief. Wait, cling, pray, seek, and trust that your God will come.


I am so glad that what I am feeling these days are somewhat normal, strangely unique and annoying irritation. More importantly, it test and checks mk foundation and roots. It tugs hard at my heart and soul. It makes me feel so hopeless, so dull and everything seems to bleak. 
But I know, for this I am sure, that one day, my little flicker of hope will burst into a full flame.






https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-joy-feels-far-away

Friend

Being a good friend

There were times last year that I felt a sense of regret of the friend I was, during my secondary/JC days, the friends that I ignored or left for a new friend and the aches and pains that I have caused due to my selfishness. So this time, I am learning to connecting more and often, more deeply.
Jesus was such an amazing friend who loved his friends aka disciples till death on the cross and was even willing to forsake them when they betrayed his trust or left him when He needed them the most. I am so happy that Jesus is my friend. Please will I be a friend like Jesus, a friend to Jesus and a friend that reflects Jesus


Jonathan Edwards reflected deeply and often about true joy. Look at how he connects our happiness and friendship: “The well-being and happiness of society is friendship. ’Tis the highest happiness of all moral agents” (Works, 23:350). Edwards was a deep thinker. He was precise with words. He was a faithful pastor and theologian. When he claims that friendship is our highesthappiness, I wonder: Why do we not seem to think or speak about friendship that way?
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/you-wont-make-it-alone

Darker than expected late twenties I

Post (edited from a post from Desiring God) to kickstart my blogging phrase.

These are the five feelings.emotions that overwhelm and dillusion the wandering soul
My first one is disappointment.
" we show up at the doorsteps of late twentie, hoping to meet our childhood dreams. it turns out that we oversold ourselves to the future. No family to call our own, no house, no career advancement, no children, no astronaut mission and no working for the humanitarian society or being an ambassador. How I feel right now is summed up into these few words, " emotionally unfullfilled, professionally unimpressive, spritutally stagnant and financially in dire straights. i feel a sense of doom as I approach the future and realise that my carefree and "normal" childhood dreams are just dreams. The door of childhood are closed behind. "This can't be it. This cant be all there is." Or is it? L


God was a twentysomething once — Christ in the flesh. But there is more. He created twentysomething-ness. He died for twentysomethings and was raised for twentysomethings. I know, I know. It’s irrelevant. It doesn’t change anything. Jesus Christ doesn’t change anything, you might think.

 Today, I will decide to grieve the end of my childhood dreams, so that I can leave it behind. "I need to be like a shellfish that continue to open and close their shells on the tide schedule of their home waters after they have been translated to a laboratory tank or a restaurant kitchen." (William BRidges, "Transition") I need to acclimate to my new surrounding. Today, I will do the hard work of letting go my good life, the optimistic, unjaded, fearless one and now be free to live a new twenty something life.


Before anything else, we need one thing in our twenties: a meaningful task. It’s part of our constitution as human beings — to seek and yearn for and mourn the absence of a meaningful task: “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you” (1 Thessalonians 4:11). 

 Dear God, today, this very night, I am letting go of all my dreams and the disappointments of these unfulfilled dreams in my life. Please forgive me for looking at my life with judgemental eyes and resentful heart. Help me to realise that "all the days ordained for me was written in Your book" and that You are not only big, but powerful, loving and wise. I know that Your eyes are always on me.
I lay down all my feelings and disappointments at the feet of the cross.