I am back. 

Something about public journaling feels scandalous like I am exposing something secret out. 

Now with the age of AI, it seem weird to be writing down my thoughts without asking the bot to help me. It's so tempting but I will deny myself that luxury so as to be real and authentic. 

A part of me feels like I have missed out on life and made such terrible mistakes. 

Another part of me misses the life that I could have if I hadn't been so indecisive and afraid of hard and deep feelings. 

It's one of those moments when you think back and wonder.

But I know that God held my life and whatever decisions I made, were part of his plan. 

What should I do now Lord as I wait.

Btw this post is written over two nights, so two different feelings.