Is it so hard?

Why is there so much of uncertainty? 

Should I let go? 

Were there signs that I have conveniently ignored? 

I am doing this thing again where I worry and get upset. I am asking myself again and again if I am invoking God in the wrong way or am giving excuses for the behaviour. I hate to admit it but there is a strong feeling about this but am I wrong? Is this my heart trying to find any way to hold on tightly to this? 

Once again, yet again, the second, no third, no fourth time. 

What is actually the problem? 

I have a list, two columns. It's time for me to revisit the list. 

Am I saying one thing but holding on to another thing, so closely clutched to my chest and that's the problem. 

I am not sure I can go through this again