A new and very different season for me this semester.

I am still trying to figure out why time is passing so fast, scarily and excitingly fast.

 Beyond the assignments and research papers (thankfully, were manageable), I have been learning so many things about God, my self and my relationships. There were so many times, that I have been stuck or a bit shaky, but am just slowly letting it go. Surrendering is so very tough.

okay, doesn't do much when I am vague and deep. 

I am so worldly la. Sigh. 

There are times, where I feel that I have let  go of control and discipline to the vices of the world, literally. It's kinda hard to explain it. Like, I allow addictions of watching drama controlled me so much that instead of preparing for Sunday school material, I drowned myself in drama , emotionally and physically. I can get so involved in the drama that I need to go for a run, to hold myself together. It's really very scary how the nylon lights of the world are so enticing and deceiving. Me, on the other hand, I have given my time,  a bit of my heart, my thinking, my dreams to the world.

Knowing about God is so different from thinking about God. 

I am can be that Christian that goes to church, sings worship songs, prays, raises my hand and write pages of sermon notes. But truly, nothing has changes inside of me. 

But God knows. And as weird as it may sound, God wants to deal with this stubborn and dry areas in my life and in my heart. He tells me not to give up trying. He tells me that He loves me however, I am. 

He shows me His love, by dying on the cross for me. He tells me that He did that because He loves me. Even though, its super crazy and unthinkable or unimaginable considering love in the world is filled with conditions, its the TRUTH. The Truth that people, like me, wanna avoid, ignore or make it 'untruth'.

I still struggle a lot.
From weird thinking and perceptions, to addictions to love stories and to inner issues, so many things to deal with. okay, Where do I start? It's really not a good idea to start with myself. 

What are my beliefs? (A part of today's sermon spoke to me)

Trust me, despite being a christian my entire life, I have seriously wrong beliefs about God. 

But being anchored into the unchanging Word and saying NO to the worldly stuff does help me form right and truthful beliefs about Jesus. 

I can't live without God in this world. 

It may seem that there are millions out there, living rather well without any acknowledgment of the true and living God, but well, they havent gotten a chance to live the TRUE LIFE. When they have tasted the true joy giving life, then it would be different.