I am kinda scared that I will grow up to become a person who is so self absorbed, self-centered and someone who always waste time on frivolous stuff :(  

As I sat at the park, catching my breath after a 5km run, I started snapping pictures about me and then, continues on to edit them and then, reedit them. A picture of the sky can come out in so many ways and I spent literally all my brain cells making a decision, of which picture to post on Instagram :/ 

Then, it occurred to me how super superficial and frivolous I was. More shocking was this thought that God actually wants to speak to me but since I was so occupied with everything else, I may have miss it. Sitting at a lovely park, observing various people and children playing, cool evening wind, my heart gaining it's normal rhythm, muscles learning to relax. Everything, I would have missed. 

Anyway, even after realising this, I actually couslnt care less as my thoughts were still centered about my crazy Instagram picture. GET A LIFE REBECCA FRANCIS. 

After a few hours later, I came to a realization that it's not worth it. 

Instagram or whatsapp is not the problem, I am the problem. My heart desires are the problem. The void that in my heart is not a problem but it becomes problematic when I filled it with small desires which are clearly rooted in much insecurity or the need for acceptance and praise. 

As I ponder about my life and the sad state that I am in, I come to ony conclusion. 

I need Jesus, not for a day or for a season, I need Him every moment. Because the freedom to live is only true freedom when I follow Jesus Christ. Following Jesus is just being a craitian, but literally saying, "okay, this life is not my own, it is Yours and so, whatever glorifies You, that thing I shall do". It continues to slowly but honestly, seek to surrender all things and all aspects of my life to God's control.  

Small things will eventually make a big difference. For now, bye Instagram and take a break from whatsapp. Who know, tomorrow, I may say bye to Facebook and my American dramas. It's kinda hard and there's so many excuses why I should develop self control instead of deleting that app. But true to myself, I know that for now, self control is not the issue. The problem is my growing sense of narcissism and self-centeredness