Seasons

Why do they all do the same things? It makes me wonder and doubt? It makes me think or imagine that there's some sort of scheme going on and I am the pawn. Ah, the kind that makes you feel numb because processing the feelings are too complex and well, just hard. I've spent four months, feeling all sorts of emotions and then, silence, unable to continue and face the reality that we are different and we have been accommodating each other. I want to ask God, what He is teaching me through this. But I am afraid that it's my own blindspots that have led me to this. But then again, there is always a lesson learnt right? 

I guess, that relationship revealed to me what was most important to me. And also how likely I am able to compromise on these things, if not for the grace of God that has protected me. The realisation has hit me, like a strong wind against my face, strong but necessary, strong but at the same time, comforting as it brings about a wave of understanding of how God works, in very unexpected ways. 

Now, it is slightly different, slightly less ambiguous, more open and upfront, still very scary, feels surreal and there's a part of me that thinks that this will end up in the mud. 

"Do not be afraid" Did I hear correctly? Or am just thinking what I want to think at that moment? 

The God, who has brought me through many way harder moments will bring me through this extremely delicate and important season of my life. He will provide the grace, strength and wisdom as I walk in fear of Him. I do doubt His presences at time, projecting my world views on the Eternal God. But this time, I want to walk in faith and trust that the God that I love and trust and hope in, will walk with me through all the seasons of my life.